2017.

Oh 2017, you were a rollercoaster of a year.

This was the year we welcomed Catalina to our family. This was the year that my sister and her boyfriend came to visit. This was the year PJ thrived in school and in her language skills. This was the year we started planting vegetables on the farm.This was the year I started working from home. This was the year my best friend and her fiancee came to visit. This was the year we traveled INSIDE of Uruguay.

This was the year my mom had a heart attack and a coronary artery bypass surgery. This was the year I almost lost my mind. This was the year I was reminded of how fragile life truly is.

This was the year I started falling in love with MYSELF. I fell in love with my body; with its movement and its ability to do more than just sit and lay. I got stronger. I got faster.

I’m thankful for my family and amazing support system; those that have proven distance means nothing.

2018 is going to be a big year for us. We’re going to be stateside for the month of October. Paloma will be starting school in March. Carlos has several art shows lined up in Uruguay. There are a few things going on waiting in the wings that I can’t wait to see how they pan out. 

 

Ambition…or lack thereof.

Something I haven’t mentioned recently is that I started a new job in June. I’m not quite sure if I mentioned it in previous posts’ but I had been applying for work since February. I had a few interviews but nothing ever panned out.

Then in May I had an interview for a company I had heard about but didn’t really know much. (Not really sure if I’m allowed to mention it so I’m going to play it safe and just not). I went into the interview kind of ambivalent. I had already gone to a few, the companies hadn’t even bothered to send me a rejection letter, and I figured the same thing would’ve happened here. But to my surprise they called me back by the end of the week and offered me the job.

I’m glad I took the job. I’m working for a popular big box store in the States–my gosh do I miss big box stores–as a Help Desk Agent for their employees, dealing with things like security cameras, office computers and printers. I like the people I work with. I love getting out of the house and talking with people my own age. I think the decision to get out and work was great for my mental health. But the longer I’m there, the harder it is for me to find an incentive to stay there long term.

Like most companies, getting a promotion here is dependent on whether or not a position NEEDS to be filled. I won’t go as far as to say that promotions, when they happen, aren’t reward based. But they only happen based on when a position opens up. Again, that’s understandable and it happens in most companies, especially the higher up someone gets in a company the harder it is to move from position to position. Unless you’re in IT, but I don’t feel like I’ll be qualified for an IT position any time soon.

In most of my past work experiences I’ve always been ambitious. I’ve always done my job well to get promoted quickly or have been able to find better jobs at other companies based on my customer service. I wanted to be someone “important.” I wanted to be able to do something at more than just an entry level position. But in my current position, both within the company and also in Uruguay, I’m feeling like my only options will always be at a call center.

Which leads me to wonder if we should move back to the States in order to find better paying work. But then I think about health insurance and how difficult it would be to come by unless I have a full time job and I start having a panic attack. I know that us moving, anywhere at this point, is unrealistic.

Before I had kids I would always be the first one into work and the last one out. I worked extra shifts and wouldn’t mind if I didn’t get paid for them. I always figured that my dedication would be noticed and appreciated, eventually being merited. But now every afternoon I make sure to clock out at exactly the precise moment my shift ends to get home and be with my child. I don’t offer to take my coworkers shifts when they need a day off  because it means more days away from PJ. I show up, I clock in, do my job, and leave.

I’m at this point in my life where I feel like I have no ambition and no direction in my life apart from loving and caring for my family. I don’t know what I want to do for ME. I look at my husband and his passion for his art. He’s so driven to succeed. He works tirelessly to promote himself, to put on shows, to get recognized by publications, anything that will get him a step ahead.

I miss that burning desire to succeed, you know, the one that feels like a roaring fire in the pit of your stomach being fed with each and every “Good job!” and “Great work! Keep it up!”

I’m hoping that in the coming months I’ll be able to find what fuels me again. Who knows, maybe I’ll find it in this job. Or maybe I’ll find it in something totally different like writing, baking, or outreach! I just know that in order to ignite that fire again I have to start looking for a match.

 

**I’ll make a post soon about how we’ve transitioned from two stay-at-home parents to one!

Best Uruguayan thing since parrilla…PAGANZA!

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before but paying bills in Uruguay is a headache. Normally you would have to go to a place where you can pay your bills called Abitab or RedPagos. They provide a myriad of services like bill pay, they make appointments to get your ID, you can pay your taxes, exchange money, you can buy scratch offs, and they also have a point system where you cash in and get discounts on things like toys, alcohol, and home goods.

Normally I don’t mind going to our local Abitab. But there’s always that time around the first of the month that you don’t want to be caught near one. That’s when Uruguay’s version of social security checks come out and everyone lines up at the Abitab to collect. I’ve waited in line for two hours before because I needed our internet turned back on. It was not fun.

Which brings me to this amazing new app I heard about through the expat Facebook group. Available for iPhone, Android and Windows, Paganza is an app that links to your (Uruguayan) bank account and allows you to pay your bills through the comfort of your home.

I know what you’re thinking…”What’s the big deal? I’ve been able to do that where I live for years.” I’ll tell you what the big deal is. I couldn’t do that in Uruguay before this miraculous app came into my life. It reminds me of when bills need to be paid BEFORE the paper bill comes to my house–if it ever comes.

It does take a few days for the payment to post onto your account, so you have to be mindful of when your bills are due to avoid your service being shut off. For example, we had one of our cell phone bills due LAST Friday but we didn’t realize that until Sunday. Because this week was Carnaval, the payment didn’t post until Thursday.

Anyway, I definitely recommend this app. If you’re in Uruguay and have a Uruguayan bank account I would check it out! Let me know how it goes, if you do.

O Christmas Tag!

I’ve been looking for more ways to get involved on the blog without having to write so much (I’m lazy, I know). This week I was really lucky to read Angie Americana’s Christmas Tag post as part of her Blogmas post series.

It reminds me of the days of MySpace questionnaires and couldn’t help but get the urge to fill it out myself. Hope you enjoy!

1. What’s you favorite Christmas film?

How can you pick just one? I can’t so I’ll divide it between my favorite animated film and favorite live action film. Home Alone definitely takes the cake in the live action category. Because duh, it was every kids dream to be Kevin!  The Nutcracker Prince (1990) is my favorite Christmas animated film. My sister and I used to watch it on loop growing up during the holidays. It really isn’t Christmas until we dust off the VHS player, make popcorn and drink hot chocolate while watching it.

2. Have you ever had a white Christmas?

Nope, I wish. Especially since every Christmas in the foreseeable future is going to be during the summer.

3. Where do you usually spend your holidays?

Up until three years ago I spent my holidays in Miami. But when we moved to Uruguay we’ve been here.

4. What is your favorite Christmas song?

‘Jingle Bells’ by Frank Sinatra. Best. Song. Ever.

5. Do you open you presents on Christmas eve?

Honestly it depends on the year. Growing up we were allowed to open one gift on Christmas eve and would have to wait for Christmas morning to open the rest. But as I got older we would just open them on Christmas eve. Now that Paloma is around we’ll probably go back to opening gifts on Christmas morning.

6. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?

Nope! I’ve never been good at remembering any of them except for Rudolph.

7. What holiday traditions are you most looking forward to this year?

Right now I’m most excited to start new traditions with Carlos and Paloma. We put up and decorated our tree the day after Thanksgiving as a family. We are taking PJ to meet Santa sometime in the next few days. As Paloma gets older I’m sure we’ll develop and add new traditions.

8. Is your Christmas tree real or fake?

It’s fake! I miss the smell of pine trees around this time of year but sadly Uruguay doesn’t offer real trees. [See featured image above].

9. What is your all-time favorite Christmas sweet/treat?

Turron. And not the soft, mushy kind either. It needs to be jaw-breaking hard. Mmmmmmm….

10. Be honest: Do you like giving gifts or receiving them better?

I love giving gifts! I like to think I’m really good at it. I spend MONTHS researching and really listening to everyone to see what would be the best gift.

11. What is the best Christmas gift you’ve ever received?

Oh man, that’s a tough one. Right now I’d have to say it was our last year in Miami. I had been wanting this Marc by Marc Jacobs purse for ages and Carlos said we couldn’t afford it. But he ended up surprising me with it on Christmas eve. I still use it every day and it’s in perfect condition.

12. What would be your dream place to visit for the holidays?

Anywhere that it snows. I would LOVE to experience a white Christmas.

13. Are you a Pro present wrapper, or do you fail miserably?

Oh man, I’d say I’m average. I don’t really put much effort into gifts given to my family members because I know how savage we are at unwrapping. But when it comes to extended family or friends, I put more care into presentation.

14. Most memorable holiday moment?

My last Christmas with my grandpa. He died on Christmas eve when I was seven, causing a lasting and lingering cloud around the holidays, but before he passed he spent the evening with us. I remember opening my gifts from him and freaking out over a Little Mermaid nightgown. I remember the smile on his face as I jumped up and down like a sugar-addicted kangaroo. I don’t know, just something about that moment always makes me smile.

15. What made you realize the truth about Santa?

No idea, but I’ll bet it had something to do with my sister.

16. Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? Do you stick to them?

Every year but I always break them. I can’t even remember what my resolutions were for this year–I’m sure there’ll be a post on that coming up–but I can tell you if I accomplished one it’s one too many.

17. What makes the holidays special for you?

My family. It’s going to be weird celebrating Christmas this year without my sister.

 

 

 

Day trip to Atlantida: Blueberry picking and El Aguila

I have a love-hate relationship with having family or friends coming to visit. I love having familiar faces around, someone other than Carlos and my parents to talk to, and getting a bunch of goodies from the States. I hate having to come up with ways to keep them entertained.

I went through something similar when my aunt came to visit in September. Even though it was the beginning of Spring when she came, the weather was less than welcoming and we found ourselves spending a lot of time at home rather than enjoying all Uruguay has to offer.

This month my mother-in-law and her boyfriend came to spend a few weeks with us and it’s been rather challenging coming up with things to do. I’m still on the prednisone which, somedays, renders me useless. And other days, Paloma just doesn’t want to be bothered with long car rides. But Saturday I was adamant that we were going to get out of the house and do something.

Road to Atlantida. I just love the view.

Did you know that Uruguay is one of the worlds largest blueberry producers? Well, now you know. Anyway, I’m part of an expat page on Facebook that advertises things to do around the country. The past few years we’ve seen advertisements for blueberry picking in both Atlantida and Piriapolis. Carlos and I have always wanted to go but never found a chance considering our first year here I was 9 months pregnant and last year Paloma was still too small to enjoy it.

 

So we headed out at around 9:30am and got to Atlantida at around 10:20am. It wasn’t a bad car ride but I did get lost a few times. By the time we found the place PJ was ready to get out of the car and run around. The farm is really lovely. Not only do they grow blueberries, but they also grow and sell their own organic produce separate from the picking.

I’m so glad I brought PJs rain boots because it would have been brutal to clean her up afterwards. She had a field day! She threw herself in the dirt, played with the fallen berries, picked berries off branches, tried to get through each tree into another aisle, and overall just had a blast running up and down the aisle from me to her dad.

We were only there for about half an hour but ended up picking about 3 kilos of blueberries! And let me just tell you they are DELICIOUS! We froze about 2/3 of our pickings to be able to have some year round. But what we didn’t is almost gone.

After we got PJ cleaned up we headed to El Aguila on the beach. It’s a local landmark that was built in the mid 1940s. I don’t think it ever served an actual purpose but it’s a pretty cool building to see if you’re in the area. It’s built off a cliff so you get pretty awesome ‘sea’ views. I wish the cliff were roped off for child safety reasons but it is what it is. I was not thrilled to be chasing my two year old away from the edge, that’s for sure.

El Aguila

We then headed to my FAVORITE bakery in all of Uruguay–La Baipa. When we lived in Atlantida before PJ was born, I used to come there at least twice a week. Their lemon merengue pie is worth every penny and empty calorie. Most people I know head to La Baipa on their way east to Punta del Este or even to Rocha. It’s a definite must go to place in Uruguay. Their selection is different than most bakeries where your options are the same four bizcochos. They have tiny bite size tiramisus, apple tarts, and lovely cream puffs. I’m getting hungry just thinking about it!

Our stay in Atlantida was less than four hours but we had a lovely day. For those of you in Uruguay that would like more information on blueberry picking please don’t hesitate to ask!

Giving Thanks

As the year is starting to close, we’re finding ourselves being bombarded with Christmas advertisements and nostalgia-inducing holiday movies. I feel as if most Americans this year have forgotten about Thanksgiving and are skipping straight ahead to Christmas.

I hate it. I absolutely LOVE Thanksgiving! It’s always been my favorite holiday. I love the message of appreciation and thankfulness. I enjoy spending time with my family. And before I found myself to be a stay-at-home-mom I loved the four day weekend.

This year we’re blessed to be spending Thanksgiving not only with my parents, but also with Carlos’ mom and stepdad. They came to visit from Miami and it’s been great having them around. PJ has really taken to them–minus the angry peeing but that’s a story for another day–and I’ve been grateful for all the extra love.

It’s inevitable to make to the last week of November and not find yourself thinking of what you truly appreciate and value in your life. And this year is no different. So here comes my list of things I’m thankful for this year.

Things I’m Thankful for in 2015

1. My family. As cliche as it sounds, my family has been and always will be my rock.
2. My health. After the MS scare last month I’m definitely thankful for my health and am making it a point to really care for myself.
3. My salvation. If it weren’t for my relationship with Jesus I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t be as aware of who I am or the consequences of my actions.
4. Living in Uruguay. I love that Uruguay isn’t as materialistic or as work-centered as other countries are. It’s a country that focuses more on family and over all just being ‘chill.’
5. Rekindled friendships. No explanation needed.

I hope that everyone had a Thanksgiving full of love, laughter, and family. Take the time to reflect the things that really matter and know that just because we collectively celebrate our thanks today, we should take the time out of each day to appreciate even the tiniest blessings every day.

 

Hospital Blues: My Week of Unwanted Mommy ‘Vacation’

The past week has been a total whirlwind. I don’t know where to start.

I’m pretty sure I mentioned a few posts ago that Paloma caught a bit of pink eye and I thought it had rubbed off on me. After about a week of eye pain, I went to the eye doctor in my town to get it checked out. After a quick but thorough exam, the opthamologist sat me down and told me I had what she thought was optic niuritis and should head to the ER right away.

I honestly thought she was exaggerating but decided to just heed her advice and get rechecked just incase. Carlos and I left the baby with my parents, we made dinner plans and thought we would be home by bed time. No big deal, right?

Wrong. Within two hours I was checked in and on a corticosteroid drip to ease the tension on my optic nerve and a team of doctors checking me on all fronts. The first doctor told me I should expect to stay at least three days. The next doctor told me five. And the next one told me seven. I was a wreck.

I remember looking at them and saying, “No, I’m sorry you’re wrong. I have a two year old at home I need to get back to. You’re going to have to find a way to fix me in the next few hours.” I realize now how dumb it is for me to have thought that but in that moment my only thought was PJ.

The doctors started spouting medical mumbo jumbo at me; optic niuritis is a condition that happens when the optic nerve becomes inflamed. It can cause temporary partial blindness and intense pain. And at its worst it is commonly seen as a precursor to multiple sclerosis.

Hearing that I was stunned. How did we go to an inflamed optic nerve to MS? I’m 25. I’m generally healthy. I exercise, I try to eat right, and I’ve lost a lot of weight. I swore the doctor was joking but considering his next plan of action was a lumbar puncture I was pretty sure this was pretty serious to them.

After several painful attempts at collecting the spinal fluid, the doctors had everything they would need to run their tests. Our main job would be to sit and wait. Sit…and wait.

I spent most of my days telling Carlos to stay home so that PJ wouldn’t really notice my missing. The ladies I shared a room with would pity me, whisper things like, “I can’t believe they would just leave her alone like this. Poor girl.” But of course my main priority was making sure PJ was okay. I would try to FaceTime as much as I could just to see her laugh and play but it would kill me.

Can I point out that you never actually realize how fast your kid grows until you’re forced to NOT be there? I came home and this kid was running and jumping and saying things like “NO!” and putting her toys away before bed on her own. Crazy how much kids grow in just a week…

I’ll spare you the boring details but just know that the tests all said I had a massive inflammation of the optic nerve which caused my temporary loss of vision (duh) and that I tested NEGATIVE for MS. I can’t tell you the immense weight that was lifted off my shoulders when I heard that. The doctors feel positive with how I responded to the medication and are planning on keeping me on the steroids for a bit along with biannual check ups with the neurologist.

I’m feeling pretty rough on the meds and the after affects of the lumbar puncture but obviously happy to have my vision back and a relatively clean bill of health.

But moments like this always bring on the awareness of ones mortality, don’t they? I started freaking out picturing what my marriage would look like in the future, my daughter having a ‘disabled’ mother, a diminished quality of life for all of us. Then you feel guilty for thinking things like that, knowing that you are one of those people that always thought it happened to other people but never to you.

I’m feeling blessed/lucky right now that everything turned out the way it did though. It really made me think and reevaluate how I’m living my life, how I want the rest of my life to turn out. I need to start focusing on the future. Set goals and try to make them happen.

Change is coming. I don’t know who, what, where, or when. But I know that I need to shape up.

Motherhood in the spring time

If it weren’t common knowledge that the seasons changed on September 23rd, I don’t think I would have known that Spring had arrived in Uruguay.

The weather is still frigid, going outside is a chore, and I find myself desperately waiting for summer. But in the two and odd years I’ve lived in Uruguay, I’ve learned that I can’t judge the seasons solely based on the weather.

Spring has brought new life to our small farm! Lambs, piglets, and a new calf are currently grazing and playing wherever they can. Their mothers call for them whenever they wander off a little too far for comfort. Paloma, my mom and I find ourselves bundled up on the porch most mornings watching them interact with one another.

Belle and her daughter.

However, even with the picturesque scenery of galloping lambs and rambunctious piglets, there is always a bit of heart break. This year we had a couple of mothers reject their babies. One of the sheep rejected her lamb and one of our three pigs killed all of her piglets. We’ve gotten used to the accidental casualty but we’re finding that the deaths this year are higher than normal.

What really got to me this year was the sheep rejecting her daughter. I guess it’s pretty naive of me, but I always thought that mothering was just instinct in ALL animals. But I realized that like with most things nothing is 100%.

For awhile we kept the abandoned lamb by our house. I named her Hope, bottle-fed her and cuddled with her to keep her warm. I grew fond of this little lamb. She would follow me around outside and called for me when I wasn’t close enough for her.

But one particularly cold night she passed away. We tried our hardest to keep her warm and well fed but I guess it wasn’t enough for her. Her death affected me and caused me to grow angry at her mother. I couldn’t understand how a mother could just reject her baby like that.

And then something inside of me clicked. Just because they’re animals doesn’t mean that all of them are born with a mothering instinct. From there I quickly started thinking about how not all human women accept the role of motherhood.

Seeing this sheep reject her child showed me that even with animals mothering is a choice. You can carry a child in your womb but it doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to. The difference in this situation being that the other sheep don’t really care if you choose to raise your child or not. They’re too busy grazing for their own stomachs to worry about what some other sheep is doing.

New calf.

Just because someone or something CAN get pregnant, does it mean that they should automatically be expected to be a mother? No. Should we push our individual beliefs on someone else just because it bothers us? No.

I’m sure you can tell where I’m going next with this. I’m not really sure where I stand on the topic of a woman’s right to choose. Some days I’m adamant about a woman’s right to her own body, and other days I cry for the loss of life.

One thing I do know for sure is, you can’t force anyone to be a mother just because they CAN be a mother. As with all things in life, it is a difficult and personal choice. No one should be persecuted for making a choice that differs from what you would personally do.

El Prado Expo

I haven’t updated in what seems like forever. First, I didn’t know what to write about. Then, I didn’t know how to formulate my thoughts into words. And lastly, my computer died last week. Thankfully my mom is letting me borrow hers until I get it back from the repair shop.

My aunt is currently visiting us from Miami so I’ve been quite the busy tour guide!

This post is dedicated to our day at Expo Prado last Thursday. I’ve been wanting to go since we got to Uruguay two years ago but something always came up during those days. The expo is a agroindustrial fair where the country’s best animal farmers bring their prize animals for auction. It’s also where merchants come to show off their latest farm inspired goods ranging from machinery to fashion.

Walking into the fair grounds I quickly got nostalgic for the yearly fair that takes place in Miami. The smell of churros quickly hit my nose, balloon vendors were bombarding us and I just knew it was going to be a good day.

Hereford bull being brought out of the pen to spread his legs.

Hey Mrs. Cow! Be nice

I’ve seen my fair share of cows before but never like this! Prior to moving to Uruguay I literally thought cows came in the black and white variety and that was that. Very small minded of me but hey, I’m a city girl. Carlos was showing off by telling me all about the different breeds, where they originate from, and how they came to Uruguay. I swear sometimes it feels like I don’t even know who my husband is!

We were separated from my mom and aunt for a bit so we decided to check out the goat pen. We used to have goats on the farm but after four died from their mischievous antics, we decided that while we love goats we weren’t suited to own them. Turns out that we have our own little goat seeing how PJ decided to climb into the goat pens.

After walking around aimlessly for a bit we came across an beer stand. For those of you that don’t know, Carlos is an avid beer drinker. As for me, as long as it has alcohol in it I’m almost always in. The beer selection was the usual Uruguayan Patricia selection along with some imported beer like Budweiser and Corona. We decided to try some Argentinian beer called Patagonia. It was delicious and I’ll definitely be looking for it at the exotic beer shops in Montevideo.

Patagonia.

La Oriental Beer Company

We found a little playground area in the back of the park and let PJ run around and release some steam before we decided to keep walking around the animal pens. It was nice to take a break and let her enjoy herself. After awhile we kept exploring and found a little alleyway of sorts that led us to a tiny amusement ride area. PJ originally wanted to ride the teacups but she is still too small so we coerced her to give the carousel a try. As you can see in her photo she’s just a little ball of sass.

Hi Mom!

Past the rides, there’s an area of artisanal shops selling things like leather boots, purses and even cheesy tourist keychains. My aunt ended up buying herself a mate cup along with some souvenirs for everyone in Miami.  From that point there were more alleyways leading to different parts of the park but PJ was getting cranky so we left.

Overall, we had a very nice day together and I definitely plan on making this a yearly tradition.

If you ever find yourself in Montevideo in the month of September I would definitely take the time to come to the expo. It’s a nice for a family outing with good food, animals and rides for the kids.

Would you like a kiss?

My own little mountain goat.

it’s the little moments

Every day that passes I am in awe of how much PJ has grown. Whenever I close my eyes, I still see her as the tiny bundle we brought home from the hospital. I still hear her newborn yawns in my sleep. And when I try to get an unwanted hug in, I can still smell her newborn smell on the back of her neck.

A few days ago Carlos and I were discussing second birthday plans. I was rattling off about Care Bears versus Lady Bug themed parties for CAIF when he stopped me and told me to look at PJ. She was sitting on the floor in the living room just rambling in her own language playing with her Cinderella doll and this pink cat I’ve had since I was a kid. When she noticed our silence she looked at us, smiled and ran over to give us each a kiss.

This past week we were on Netflix and she saw the Curious George icon and started pointing at it and said, “ooo ooo oooo!” (that’s my way of writing monkey noise). It made me beam hearing her tell me that she wanted the monkey as opposed to her normal jelly flop and tears routine.

Last week she started eating with a spoon by herself. It’s something we had been working on for months but just one afternoon at CAIF and watching her friend Micaela eat with a spoon and now she’s a pro. She even offers us some of her food if we’re not eating at the exact moment she is.

It’s in these small moments that it truly dawns on me that my child is not going to be a baby forever. She will one day converse in full sentences, be able to serve her own food, use the bathroom by herself, and even go out on her own. Eventually she will be a full fledged adult and not NEED me anymore. I know that this is what growing up is, this is what being a parent is. She will always be my baby though.

At the end of the day when my husband and I are in bed talking about what cute thing Paloma did while we were alone with her we look at each other and know that moving to Uruguay was the best decision. We get to be here for her 24/7. We’re the ones that are able to raise her, attend to her, and love her. We talk about where would we be had we stayed in Miami and know deep down that she wouldn’t be the same effervescent and lively tiny human she is today.

I’m so thankful for the life we are building and all the blessings that God has given us.