Oh 2017, you were a rollercoaster of a year.

This was the year we welcomed Catalina to our family. This was the year that my sister and her boyfriend came to visit. This was the year PJ thrived in school and in her language skills. This was the year we started planting vegetables on the farm.This was the year I started working from home. This was the year my best friend and her fiancee came to visit. This was the year we traveled INSIDE of Uruguay.

This was the year my mom had a heart attack and a coronary artery bypass surgery. This was the year I almost lost my mind. This was the year I was reminded of how fragile life truly is.

This was the year I started falling in love with MYSELF. I fell in love with my body; with its movement and its ability to do more than just sit and lay. I got stronger. I got faster.

I’m thankful for my family and amazing support system; those that have proven distance means nothing.

2018 is going to be a big year for us. We’re going to be stateside for the month of October. Paloma will be starting school in March. Carlos has several art shows lined up in Uruguay. There are a few things going on waiting in the wings that I can’t wait to see how they pan out. DSC_0727



Goodbye 2014…

From the outside looking in, I don’t think people would describe how I lived 2014 to be extraordinary. I’m a stay-at-home mom and wife. I don’t have a paying job. I live on a farm. To many, my life is pretty mundane. But in my opinion, 2014 was one of the best years of my life (and I’ve had some pretty awesome years).

My daughter was born at the end of 2013, so the beginning of 2014 was filled with ever growing love for being a mother. It was filled with sleepless nights, diapers, bottles, and tons of laundry. I spent much of it alone-because let’s be honest motherhood is a lonely life-but that didn’t stop me from enjoying every smile and coo that escaped my baby girl. As she continued to grow, my days became busy in new ways. I spent much of it trying to entertain her or teach her something new. Or I spent it documenting her every movement.

I’m going to miss my baby being just that, a baby. She’ll never crawl for the first time again, or take her first steps again. I’ll miss the quiet moments of just watching her stare at the ceiling laughing as her arms jerk around. I’ll miss seeing her apprehensively touch her bath water. I’ll miss her being tiny and small. I will not-so-secretly miss when she only wanted me to soothe her and not her daddy. I’ll miss the days when she didn’t throw tantrums and I’ll definitely miss the days when she didn’t throw her food at the dogs.

With all the good things about motherhood, there did come a point around PJs six month life-aversary where I became depressed. I felt alone in a new country with no one to talk to, my friends back home didn’t understand what I was going through, and no matter how hard my husband tried he just didn’t get it. I was still relatively new at this whole mom gig and like I said, being in a new country where I knew no one gave me more than enough opportunities to wallow in self pity. Now, you might be wondering if this is how I felt during 2014 why would I miss it? Because if it weren’t for all my wallowing in self pity I would have never been encouraged to cultivate my identity outside of motherhood.

Last year I started working on me. I started writing, exercising, reading things other than mommy handbooks, and taking time to figure out what I want for my life. I discovered a love for cooking. I discovered that exercising doesn’t truly gross me out. My husband and I took the time to talk about things other than our beautiful bouncing baby.

I learned to love me. To take care of me. That I am not just a mother, a caregiver, a daughter, a sister, and a wife. I am a person and I need to care for myself.

2014 was a good year for me. I grew. It was my first year as a mother. I fell more in love with my husband. And most importantly I learned that I am not bound by the adjectives placed upon me.

2015: New Year, New [insert something witty here]

I’m not sure if I see New Years as the beginning or end to something. Once I graduated college and I entered the “real” world, New Years became irrelevant. There was nothing to look forward to like a new grade starting or big milestone (think turning 21 or graduating from college). A new year just meant I got a day and a half off of work to spend at home with my husband watching movies along with annoyingly dating my checks wrong for about two weeks.

New Years is also a really somber time for my husband and I. Our first year of marriage, a good friend of ours died. I won’t go into specifics but it was a really rough time on us, especially on my husband. Every year since then, it doesn’t feel right to celebrate a new beginning when we’re reminded of an unexpected and abrupt ending.

But since Paloma was born I want things to be different. I want to celebrate new beginnings and enjoy the daily gift of life. I want my daughter to know that the closing of a chapter in our lives doesn’t have to produce fear or sadness, rather it should bring joy and excitement for whats to come.

I have big things planned for 2015. I’m not going to call them resolutions because I feel as if that’s just setting myself up for failure. They’re goals that if I can accomplish them, then great. And if I don’t, then okay. I’m going to list them here in order to keep myself accountable.

Here it goes.

  • Read my bible on a daily basis. I’ve been slacking.
  • Complete Fitness Blenders’ 8 week fitness program. It’s not about losing weight but just about finishing it.
  • Go on a trip. My husband and I made it a habit to go on a yearly trip when we were sans baby and I’m afraid we won’t continue that tradition with baby.
  • Keep a jar with reminders of all the good things that happen.
  • Finish my book.
  • Finish Paloma’s baby photo book.
  • Read a book a month. Because let’s face it, having a one year old is going to make it hard enough to do the things on my list, if I try to read more than a book a month I will definitely fail.

These are my personal goals. Not my mommy goals or my wife goals.  Each of them reminders to take a breath from our busy life to think about life, the world around us, and as selfish as it sounds take a minute to focus on myself.

Later on this week I’ll write about 2014 and why I’m sad to see it go.