From the outside looking in, I don’t think people would describe how I lived 2014 to be extraordinary. I’m a stay-at-home mom and wife. I don’t have a paying job. I live on a farm. To many, my life is pretty mundane. But in my opinion, 2014 was one of the best years of my life (and I’ve had some pretty awesome years).
My daughter was born at the end of 2013, so the beginning of 2014 was filled with ever growing love for being a mother. It was filled with sleepless nights, diapers, bottles, and tons of laundry. I spent much of it alone-because let’s be honest motherhood is a lonely life-but that didn’t stop me from enjoying every smile and coo that escaped my baby girl. As she continued to grow, my days became busy in new ways. I spent much of it trying to entertain her or teach her something new. Or I spent it documenting her every movement.
I’m going to miss my baby being just that, a baby. She’ll never crawl for the first time again, or take her first steps again. I’ll miss the quiet moments of just watching her stare at the ceiling laughing as her arms jerk around. I’ll miss seeing her apprehensively touch her bath water. I’ll miss her being tiny and small. I will not-so-secretly miss when she only wanted me to soothe her and not her daddy. I’ll miss the days when she didn’t throw tantrums and I’ll definitely miss the days when she didn’t throw her food at the dogs.
With all the good things about motherhood, there did come a point around PJs six month life-aversary where I became depressed. I felt alone in a new country with no one to talk to, my friends back home didn’t understand what I was going through, and no matter how hard my husband tried he just didn’t get it. I was still relatively new at this whole mom gig and like I said, being in a new country where I knew no one gave me more than enough opportunities to wallow in self pity. Now, you might be wondering if this is how I felt during 2014 why would I miss it? Because if it weren’t for all my wallowing in self pity I would have never been encouraged to cultivate my identity outside of motherhood.
Last year I started working on me. I started writing, exercising, reading things other than mommy handbooks, and taking time to figure out what I want for my life. I discovered a love for cooking. I discovered that exercising doesn’t truly gross me out. My husband and I took the time to talk about things other than our beautiful bouncing baby.
I learned to love me. To take care of me. That I am not just a mother, a caregiver, a daughter, a sister, and a wife. I am a person and I need to care for myself.
2014 was a good year for me. I grew. It was my first year as a mother. I fell more in love with my husband. And most importantly I learned that I am not bound by the adjectives placed upon me.